The Barn

The Barn...

What is this you ask? This is the inner workings of the Gov't. The place I call home when I'm not on the road. A place lacking any office functionality yet bursting with mindless dribble that makes you go...what?

June 2nd, 2010
Topic: The Fax Machine...is it just an evil plot by the USPS to get people to mail things?

For 2 days now I have been trying to fax a document out of the barn. After 7 failed attempts on 2 different fax machines day one I asked the office admin. how to use the fax machine...

Me: Hi Jackie! Ummmm so this may be a stupid question but do either of our fax machines work?
Jackie: Oh yes. But only when it is sunny out.
Me: Excuse me? The phone lines only work when it's sunny?
Jackie: Yes, the technician said faxes can only go through when it is sunny  out.

After 3 more failed attempts today I have decided to send the document snail mail...

...on the next edition of the barn....finding an envelope.


June 7th, 2010
Topic: The Printer...who knew the barn was where printer's go to die.

I know you were all excited to learn about my envelope adventure but today's printer interaction is pretty post worthy...

Have you ever had to ask a friend at another office to print off documents for you?
Have you ever seriously considered going to Kinko's to print something off since 1997?
Have you ever logged on to 4 different computers and tried printing to 3 different printers yet still been left empty handed?

If you answered yes to these questions it's possible you are sitting at the circa WWII military fatigue green desk and broken, armless, dust covered chair next to me otherwise you are not so lucky!

This is how I spent my morning... again.

(Thank you Jenn, Abby, and all you other countless individuals out there that have printed off coupons/tickets for me!)
 
June 27th, 2010
Topic: The IP Address...it's what gets me out of bed so early in the morning.

In a place where mental stimulation consists of the Washington Post Daily crossword puzzle or betting on how much the snack machine man is going to jack up the price of a bag of animal crackers an IP address is a hot commodity.

With office computers that only access the State Department website it is our laptops that let us get onto the world wide web... To get onto the internet you need an IP address...the problem...like staplers, desks, chairs, and everything else...there aren't enough IP addresses for everyone in the office. First come first serve...that's the government's motto!

So how much would you pay for an IP address???


November 25th, 2010
Topic: The Ultimate Comb Over...as seen in the barn... literally.

Extra long bangs gone array? My hair after riding in a convertible? Cousin IT from the Adams Family?

No no no silly me... only the absolute WORST comb over ever!!!


I didn't realize this was a new hair-do for the ladies.





December 6th, 2010
Topic: If I could knit myself a full body jumpsuit to stay warm I would


Along with the barn's over active leaking air conditioning system which results in rain storms inside the building circa the Rain Forest Cafe;

we have a non-existent heating system.  In a warehouse with exposed ceilings, no insulation, and random sky lights rather than windows think 1997 Batman and Robin Mr. Freeze's lair.

  Rather than fix the heating system ( or check and see if there actually is one ) management's first suggestion is to break all fire codes known to man and stock pile portable electric heaters around the office. Other than a jacket that caught on fire there were no other casualties... Five minutes later the fuse blew and we were heat-less once again...

After 7 failed attempts at crocheting a blanket my mom said to me... "well maybe crocheting is just not your thing." If crocheting is someone's "thing" I will be soliciting applications for those that would like to knit me a full body jumpsuit. Please infer for exact measurements.

February 9th, 2011

Topic: The Media Conspiracy...tv or food, cell phone or shelter, facebook or face-to-face

There are so many unique qualities to the barn, most of which you chalk up to the fact that the government doesn't want to pay to keep the building up and running... no heat, a leaky ac in a room full of computers and servers, overflowing toilets, staplers but no staples, tape dispensers but no tape, holes in the walls, kitchen cabinets with no doors, a vending machine from the 70's and the list goes on... but then magically one day a flat screen tv appears in the kitchen and you have to wonder...

is it really a flat screen tv or a camera for all those gov't officials in their cushy offices that checked out at 11am and wanted some lunch time entertainment watching the hamster run on the wheel in hopes that one day they would actually spend some money so we could get a fax machine that worked. 

big brother is watching... 

(please note the 1970s vending machine. I thought it was a prop when I first started.)